NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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