Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
