I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
