Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
