Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
