just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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