It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In America we eat man semen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
