Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize