You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
