STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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