my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
