Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize