if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
