Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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