i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
