Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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