Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
