I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize