Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
