There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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