Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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