I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
