Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize