This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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