What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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