what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
