If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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