she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
