I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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