How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
