my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
