she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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