just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
