I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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