Got a toothbrush?
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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