his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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