Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
