every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
