we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
