I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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