She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have fence marks all over my body
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
