He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
