if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
