I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
