He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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