Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
