he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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