Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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