Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
