we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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