you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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