I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
