You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
