i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
