goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
