This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
