I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
