I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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