i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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