lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize