Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
