i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
