My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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