i would punch a child for taco bell
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
