So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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