My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
