This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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