Dude my mom stole all your condoms
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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