Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
