apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
