the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize