glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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