actually, I'm a sock model
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
