feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize