I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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