Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
