Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
