if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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