im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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