i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
