Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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