I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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