1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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