I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
