Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
