i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
