Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So apparently I’m into choking now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
