His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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