i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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