is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
