If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
