would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
