he thought i was a dude.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
