jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
