the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
