I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
