i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
