all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
