Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
this is an emotional support booty call
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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