gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
