i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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