no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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