You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
