just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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