i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
