He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
