At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
