i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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