So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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