He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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