Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
