she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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