I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
