My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
