I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
