I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
