But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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