Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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