your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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