I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do herpes really smell.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
