so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
